The view off the cabin deck right after the hurricane

As we move into 2018’s Hurricane Season, I am reminded of how much the hurricane rocked our world. Every facet of life was disrupted for months on end. The simplest of things -drinking water, showering, turning on the lights, keeping food cold, finding food- turned into huge monumental treasure hunting tasks. The emotional toll was high, but when you’re living in the moment, you’re just trying to survive. And survive, we did. But the scars remain.

Now that we have a little time behind us and a second to catch our breath, I now see that there will probably always be moments that bring back memories and jar us back to that very crazy time. Someone called this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it’s probably not too far from the truth. It was a traumatic time, and in some ways still continues to be. Here are a few of the “triggers” of our post-Maria trauma. Some you might expect and others catch us off guard.

Violent Rainstorms/Wind – After a long dry spell, we had a huge driving rain storm that was eerily reminiscent of Maria. It immediately brought back memories of solar lights, collecting rain water and just the sheer fear of the moment.
Canned Food/Junk Food – When I go into a gas station, now I see the “food” differently. All the Slim Jims, canned weiners, Chef Boyardee, chips, candy and water bottles make me think of hurricane rations as we called them. It was the worst I have ever eaten in my life. But at least I ate. I still have a hard time with tuna sandwiches even when I spice them up with fresh celery, lettuce and pickles because we ate them so much during this period.
Power, Internet, Cell and Water Outages – Unfortunately this is still a fairly common problem. And it was even before Maria. The truth of the matter is that Puerto Rico’s infrastructure is in rough shape and needs some serious help, but the money is not there. Maria only worsened it. A nearby water dam (Guajataca) was severely damaged and caused rolling water outages for some time. Some cell towers are still only partially functional. Because of this, whenever the power goes out and the fans stop spinning we think, “how long?” and “should we get the generator out?”
Downed trees/Road Blockages -Some power poles are still leaning precariously or fall, a tree branch falls or we will see a landslide block the road and we are instantly taken back to the time when we couldn’t even drive on the roads at all.
Out of Gas/Ice – This doesn’t happen too often anymore, but occasionally you’ll go in to get a bag of ice or fill up the car and they don’t have gas or they don’t have a certain type of gas (premium/regular) and it brings me right back to the hurricane days. There was an apagon of power a couple of months ago when a worker took out the power to most of the island in a single swoop and no one knew how long it would be out again. There was a massive run to the gas station and kilometer-long waits once again.
Blue Rooves –These are reminders of all that was taken from people. People who were left on the street, sometimes literally after the storm drove them out of their homes. It is still somewhat surreal to see buildings in such disrepair.

People in Home Depot learning about solar

Like active combat soldiers, we also have a camaraderie with anyone who also went through the hurricane and the aftermath. Especially the aftermath because that was not just a test of strength but of endurance. We went 2 months without water or electricity and that was short in comparison with others on the island (in some very rural mountain areas they still don’t)! We went even longer without internet or steady supplies of fresh food. I sometimes can’t believe we endured and never left! It was very tempting when our mental health had been degraded and we couldn’t even shower or eat properly.

But those of us who went through it have a sort of short-hand when we look at each other. When we answer “yes” to “Were you here through Maria?” the biases and walls fall and we all know what that means. What the struggle is/was. We were in it together and that makes us a tribe regardless of our backgrounds. We know that we all had to help each other to get through that. For people who didn’t live through that battlefield, you just simply can’t fathom the extent that this affected every aspect of life. Puerto Rico se levanta. Nos levantaremos.  Puerto Rico rises up. We will lift ourselves up. That was the mantra. And we will. We must. We are.

View off the deck of the cabin now

We just hope this hurricane season will be kind to us. Please, don’t send us into battle again!