It’s been a year since my dad died. It’s hard to believe sometimes that it has been that long! Because he’s buried in Meeker there is not a designated place close enough for us to go and feel that special bond that you feel in a cemetery with your loved one. Not that “he” is really here any more, but just a way to feel that connection more strongly.
So Sunday night Britton and I took a candle and walked through the old Lynn Grove Cemetery in East Greeley. It’s such a cool, creepy cemetery with some of Greeley’s first residents buried there. We had a “discussion” with Dad and it felt good to honor his memory in that way. We still want to go to Meeker and see where his body is resting, but for now, I feel like just going to any cemetery helps.
I also found something I wrote right after Dad died. I was going to read it at his memorial service, but I just couldn’t stop crying and I thought it would be too long, so I will share it with all of you now instead.
Me and Dad when I was little
Dad taught me a lot of things in my time with him, many of which I’ve incorporated into my own life.
He taught me to be a little ornery. With this orneriness he also taught me to question everything. He wrote a letter to me once and said “Do not let powerful people change you -change them!” And so I try.
He was always my biggest cheerleader and fan. He always encouraged me to continue with whatever it was that I was doing -to go bigger and farther than I thought I could. He was never jealous or secretly wished I would fail. He saw my true potential, and cheered me to it. This is how we need to treat others. Don’t be afraid of others’ success, but rather cheer them to it. Help them reach their highest potential.
He was never afraid of taking on a new project or new dream. He remodeled a totally run-down school house in Nunn at age 42 and finished law school at 50. You can always begin again. You can always reach for your dreams. He would say, “Go for it!” And he would mean it.
On a family vacation in Yellowstone
Dad also said I should be careful of the battles I take on and the toll they take on you. Sometimes you should just let the small stuff (and that’s most of the stuff) go. That forgiving is much better for the soul than holding anger and resentment. It will free you.
Dad believed family was sacred. These are the ties that will stay with you forever. He loved all of us in his family so strongly because he had lost his own nuclear family at such a young age. Remember to love even when it is hard. Stick together. Dad was both a grizzly bear and a teddy bear. If someone tried to hurt anyone he loved, they would see a side of Dad you didn’t want to wake up. But if they loved us, he loved them like family. And he loved a lot.
He could never see the sense in hurting others. Whether it was emotionally or physically or even animals. He knew the jabs he could take, and had taken them at some point in his life. He taught me that most of the time, it wasn’t worth it.
He loved animals. He couldn’t stand to see an animal in pain or suffering. He loved all of our dogs, cats, birds and other random animals we had in our house growing up. They were part of the family. He even saved spiders instead of killing them.
He was the hardest working guy I knew (although Britton is coming close!). And this was both physically as well as mentally. Dad did not have the disconnect that most people do of only using the part above your shoulders as if we were a detached brain that our body just transported. As a lawyer he drove around in a Mercedes, but in the trunk was lots of dirt, sprinkler parts and a shovel. He was not afraid of manual labor. Indeed, I think working physically helps you mentally as well. There is a certain joy in seeing something appear from the work of your body.
Silly guy
He taught me that it is ok to be weird. To be silly and laugh more than you gripe. You can be a nerd every now and then. He would put all sorts of things on his head or dance around just to hear us giggle. He always had a sly look in his eye. Styles and fashions change so fast anyway; you’ll end up being weird at some point whether you try or not. The worst case scenario when you are weird is people will just laugh at you. And laughing is good!
Dad also taught me these things:
Give bear hugs, like you never want to let go.
Rassle your kids.
Be honest. In the long run, this is the best course. In the short-term sometimes it will be difficult, but in the long run you will be more true to yourself.
Get into a little trouble every now and then. Play hookie. Play pranks. Surprise people! This will liven up your life and theirs. Life is not just about work and solemnity. Have a little fun!
Be welcoming to strangers. Give them the benefit of the doubt. Invite them in. Learn their stories. Everyone has a story and everyone is struggling with something. Give them a chance. Be kinder than you might need to be.
Be loyal. Value those who have valued you. Your strongest relationships are built on reciprocity. Give back.
Don’t ever be afraid of the power of a little (or a lot!) of ice cream in making your day a bit brighter.
Always tell your family and friends you love them and that they mean a lot to you. You never know when you, or they, will no longer be there. Dad did this by saying he loved me and kissing me goodbye every single morning when I grew up.
Don’t take your loved ones for granted and don’t use them up. Most people want to help, but relationships are two-way streets. You give and they give. Don’t rely on them to the point of resentment, but give thanks and help them right back.
Don’t be too hard on the ones we love. We have the ability to hurt the ones we love the most. Don’t push the buttons that could so easily hurt them when you are in moments of anger. Hold these back.
Do the right thing, even when it is the harder choice or against public opinion. Everyone knows the right thing in his or her own heart. That doesn’t mean it is the easy thing to do, however. Strive to do the best as often as you can.
Whatever it is you do, do it all the way. If you’re going to be a scientist, be the best darn scientist. If you’re going to be a bank robber, be the best one. If you commit to something, don’t do it halfway. That’s what Dad would say.
This picture cracks me up- especially my brother
And most important he would say:
Be kind.
Be kind to strangers.
Be kind to friends.
Be kind to animals.
Be kind to family.
Be kind even to those who aren’t kind to you.
Just be kind.
Or in his own words from a short diary he left: “Life must have purpose and that purpose should be examined early in a person’s life. This purpose should be re-examined regularly. As a person participates in society that person should give back. The random act of kindness, without expectation of reward, will change your perspective on living your life.”
These are just a few of the things I have learned from my Dad. I hope you all can take some of his wisdom and use it in your lives as I try to every day. I miss you and love you Dad. Thank you for being a wonderful father, friend and philosopher. In me, and those you’ve touched with your words and actions, you will never die.