Tonight we were told that the Greeley City Council would be simply moving the chicken ordinance to its final stage which would be the public input and final vote on February 2nd. No need to show up as it is a simple formality and we would have our day in the sun on February 2nd to discuss the backyard hen ordinance. So Britton and I decided to watch it from the comfort of our basement living room. It would be difficult to say that it was a serious matter because if I didn’t know better I’d say we were watching a comedy. An awful, scary, comedy.

The headless chicken AKA Greeley City Council: alive but barely functional

First they pulled the chicken ordinance from the consent agenda. Sometimes they will do this so that they can clarify certain items so this didn’t surprise us. They talked about it a little and then the oh, so eloquent Maria Secrest “kind of” suggested that they kill the ordinance and not even move it to public opinion and input. Which is what we have spent the last 6 months working towards! She was not very clear though, so someone else, Sandi Elder made a motion to review the ordinance in a year if it passed on February 2nd.

Then John Gates said that it depended on if the first motion carried. Well, it wasn’t exactly a motion, but then Secrest decided to make it a motion. Poor old Archibeque didn’t even know which item they were voting on, but upon hearing that Gates and Secrest didn’t want to continue with it he said that since EVERYONE didn’t want the ordinance that there was no sense in talking about it. (Since when did 2 people out of 7 become EVERYONE?) But happily, he did ask why Secrest wanted to kill the ordinance in the first place.

This is where the comedy gets really good...she said that if we allowed chickens in Greeley, PEOPLE MIGHT SHOOT EACH OTHER! Yes. That was her excuse for not allowing chickens. I had to close my eyes and blink extra hard to see if I heard that right. I thought I had every myth and fallacy out there covered.  But no, I hadn’t heard about that…I couldn’t help but laugh…yes…this is what she said…If a person’s dog went into another person’s yard and they had chickens and the said dog killed those chickens, the crazy chicken owner might just grab a gun and SHOOT the neighbor and she would not want on her conscience the death of a toddler. WHAT??! WHAT??! Am I living in the Twilight Zone? Is she that off her rocker?

Gunned down by a chicken

Apparently she and three other council members are (off their rockers) because they decided to take a vote and while Mike Finn, Sandi Elder and Donna Sapienza mentioned property rights and at least hearing from their constituents at the next council meeting, the other four voted the measure down out of the consent agenda. This was not after considerable confusion about whether or not they were voting the item down or voting the item in…that damnastid double negative language the government loves to confuse us with. I was watching the whole thing with my mind swirling… now what exactly is happening? A “no” vote means “yes” and a “yes” vote means “no” to the measure. Ok…wait, now what are they voting on again?

In the end, I am not sure what exactly happened but apparently the “yes” votes said “no” to the ordinance continuing on which in essence left us with nothing. No chance to speak, no chance to be heard, no respect for the process, nor our time, the time of the city staff, the planning commission or even the people who were against it who may have been planning to come out in two weeks to give them a piece of their mind. This was the most disgraceful example of local government ineptitude I have ever seen. Incredible!

What will this mean for us? Well that remains to be seen. We still have our original defense which we never had a response to. We also have a few more tricks up our sleeves. In any case, this is not the end of the matter, and we will happily continue our lives in Greeley with Schnoodle, Kitty, Henrietta, Omelette, Football and Greenfoot, at least until we get the hell out of this crazy warp zone.